The week of December 6th, after a yoga class I taught, one
of the students came up to me to thank me for the class and remarking that he
had never given so much attention into the transitions between postures, and what
an amazing experience it was for him to be fully aware that in the time in between. I smiled. Yoga practice is one place where I love to experience the
transition and one of the reasons I love vinyasa flow.
I have always been infatuated with transition. There is something beautiful and
hopeful in the process of going from one place to another, in our bodies, in
our minds, in space and time. Transition is spring with the flowers beginning to
bloom, or autumn when the leaves turn color and fall from the trees. Transition is in every moment,
for we are always on our way from here to there. Last night, I stepped outside and caught a cloud floating
across the moon, witnessing that there was a rainbow all the way around the
moon. It was beautiful, but within
moments the cloud floated by and the rainbow was gone. I was lucky enough to catch the
transition, but also with its passing came the recognition that transition is
temporary, as all we know is.
My first awareness of my infatuation with transition came
from seeing the Grateful Dead.
Some of my favorite parts of the show were the times in between songs,
when one riff was fading and you could hear another tune occupying the space
between; that blending of the old into something new with a sparkle of what was
to come and a gentle letting go of what was. In those times, my ears perked up and savored the notes, and
the way the transition unfolded.
There was always something special and unique in those moments, and I
realize now that they taught me that transition was remarkable, to be cherished
and that we can let go of what came before with grace.
Lately, I have been in a big unanticipated transition. Flung into this state by a failed
relationship (and friendship), work challenges, a lack of direction and
increasing awareness of my higher potential, here I am. Although, unlike other times in my life
(college, move, job, house), right now, I have no idea where I am heading. I am living and breathing in the moments
and days between.
Years ago, not having any direction, end goal, or 5 year
plan might have bothered me, and I am not without question in these moments,
but I realize that this is exactly where I am, and where I need to be: soaking
in the transition, living in this space. So, I am taking a lot of time to pause, to just be in the
moment. I have been going on
organized and personal retreats into nature and to study with teachers. I have been reading, writing, and
trying to be patient with myself.
And I have been letting go, and beginning to open up the space for some
new things and people to come into my life.
This letting go has been tough, and rather
heartbreaking. Sometimes we grasp
onto what we have because, well, even if we aren’t as happy as we might be able
to be, there is comfort in the familiar.
I know these patterns all too well. But lately, I have realized that I deserve better. We all deserve to have someone who
actually loves us, rather than someone who pretends to until something else
comes along. We all deserve to
have friends who treat us well and like they would want to be treated, rather
than ignore us because they are just too busy or that are so saturated in their
own stuff that they can’t even recognize when they are breaking our hearts. We all deserve to have teachers who
teach us with grace and love, rather than to poke at us when we open ourselves
up. We deserve to have jobs that
fill us up, inspire us and that we are passionate about, rather than ones that
drain our energy and have little appreciation for who we are. It’s tougher than we like to admit, to
let go of those things that do not serve us. But here I am,
trying to do so.
What I have been finding in this transition, is that the
true friendships I have are stronger and I have more appreciation for them. Opening up, I have connected with some
of the most amazing and inspirational people than I have met in the past 10
years of my life and I know that their friendships will support me long into
the future. I have found magical
new teachers to assist me on the next leg of my journey and I am finding new
ways to reconnect with myself and the world around me. I am writing and healing the damage
that my career has had on me, and I look forward to what comes ahead. And for now, I am being okay with just
being.
And as I sit in this period of my life, listening,
occasionally I can hear a few beautiful notes indicating a direction where I
might be heading, and I smile, knowing that as time passes, the new song will
unfold, and that the old song will fade into the past. I have always been infatuated with
transitions, on and off the mat.
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